Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts

Thursday, January 27, 2011

in which i theorize

For Dr. Turner's poetry workshop last semester, I had to write an artist's statement to go along with my portfolio. I'm sharing it on a whim, though it is long and awfully high-falutin.


In other words, don't read it if'n you don't want to. Obviously.


-----------------
When I write or read poetry, what I am looking for is a kind of knowledge that breathes, that bears the shape and rhythm of our world. We live in a created and creative world, after all– the fertility of this place is unbounded. Sometimes I picture our universe as a tide of energy flowing constantly from God’s creative passion, and all of its diverse people and objects and spirits as manifestations of that one energy. We try to match the pulse of this energy, and that is holiness. This is an essentially creative view of the world, because to be like God, we must be creators as well. We want to place ourselves as artists in the center of His energy; we want to match the flow and rhythms of that tide, match the patterns of God’s unsettling, dangerous, yet transcendently lovely creative power.


There’s much I don’t know about how this works. But I am at least convinced of three attributes that poetry written by these beliefs has: it is held to the highest standard of craftsmanship, it is accessible, and it is resonant. Einstein once said that God is subtle, but not malicious. I paraphrase: God is subtle, but He is not esoteric. He is not trying to trick anyone. He wants to communicate and be understood– God, after all, is Word, is revelation. Thus, I seek a poetry of revelation, a poetry of connectivity between the author and the reader. There’s no room here for the self-indulgence of works that are only meaningful to the author, or that are vague enough to mean anything to anyone. This is only complicating what I believe we instinctively know– art is communication, and the driving desire behind communication is to be apprehended, to be fully revealed and understood. There’s no need for the alienation that often arises between author and reader.


Thus, paradoxically, creating like God means creating on a human scale, with a human heart and sympathies; it results in a poetry of generosity that longs to give itself away. Pablo Neruda wrote, "I have always wanted the hands of people to be seen in poetry. . . I have always preferred a poetry where the fingerprints show. . . A poetry of bread, where everyone may eat." This last metaphor feels especially right and whole. I want to create poetry that is nourishing, that welcomes people to itself like a full table. Like the food we both produce and consume, poetry should both sustain life and be the product of life.


The perfect poem, I think, would have the craftsmanship and integrity to appeal to skilled readers, and yet be something that the person who doesn’t like poetry could read, and find a piece of themselves or of their world that they hadn’t previously known to look for. Such poetry may not accomplish much in the way of artsy cleverness, or reference and allusion to our literary canon, but then that is not what I want. I prefer a poetry that is closer to our collective heart than it is to our fading cultural memory.


There is an elegance to our universe; we see continually how all its divergent parts ultimately serve the whole. In keeping with this, I believe that art can never be simply for itself. It must be fertile– it must serve life, even (or perhaps especially) if this service is unquantifiable and mysterious. I believe that the highest function of any art is to teach people to love their own lives, to train them to see and hear and feel so that when they shut the book, the life they return to is a life deeply rooted in the best things of the earth, a life well-tended and beloved.

Friday, October 29, 2010

not so long

It's been mighty quiet around here this semester. I just haven't been in a posting mood, plus this semester (while nothing like the Terrible Great Big Devouring Monster that was Spring 2010) has been rather demanding. But. The end, friends, at last heaves into sight.

I graduate on May 13 or 14.

That's 6 1/2 months away.

It sounds like a long time when I say it like that, but it's starting to feel pretty close. Especially given the fact that next semester will be so, so much easier-- I'll be two graduate Lit classes, which are all I need to graduate, plus painting and dance (which have essentially no homework) just for fun. Think of that! Only two classes with homework. I might actually (gasp) have time to read. And keep the house clean. And paint the guest bedroom. And actually have conversations with people. I can't even fathom it, and yet it's only a foreshadowing of the beauties of Life After School, that large, slightly frightening, but ultimately friendly monster.

I'm starting to think of things I'll be able to do again. The life I'll get back. For the first time practically ever, I'll be in charge of what I do with my days. This is terrifying to me-- what if I'm incapable of making good choices?-- but mostly so, so exciting. I'm starting to think through what kind of life I want to make for myself all over again, with this brand-new perspective.

A few things I'm looking forward to about life after graduation:
listening to music (so much of my time goes to homework that I pretty much don't ever listen to music anymore)
being able to clean my house whenever it needs it
enjoying things slowly
checking books out from the library and actually reading them
journaling
serving Dan better

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

peer review season is upon us once again, with all its . . . diversions.

Doing peer reviews somehow manages to be at the same time one of the best and one of the worst parts of being a creative writing major. Some of the stuff I have read and reviewed y'all just wouldn't believe. I really should have saved more of it and made an anthology.

Here is one of the first true gems from short fiction workshop this semester. This is one of the few passages in a student piece that has ever made me choke on something:

"What is nothing? Nick pondered. The beginning thoughts about absolute nothing start with simplistic ideas like a vacuum, in which there are no objects or air particles in a vacuum chamber. But there still is space and extension in the chamber. Nick shifted in his seat to give his left buttock a break as it had gone asleep. Space and extension are something, not nothing. Absolute nothing is not even that. . . "

Thursday, May 13, 2010

the moment we've all been waiting for

Ladies and gentlemen, it would appear that I have survived my junior year!!!!


I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I woke up this morning with no homework to do!!! It was. . . . beyond words.

Monday, May 10, 2010

if i may

alright. i really really really don't want this to seem braggy or show-off-y or anything horrible no good bad bad bad like that. but. this makes me awfully happy and i wanted to share. so here we are.

from my teacher's review of my last short story:

"You are writing strong, sincere, literary stories that belie your age and writing experience, and this is a wonderful thing. When I read your work I can feel the care and investment in the story, the deliberation, even the emotional connection."

AAAAHHHHH!!!!!

. . . ok ok ok yes it's been a week since I got this review back. but i'm still that excited about it.

AHHHHHH!!!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

for your sake

lowered, once
into dark water
the last light closed
into the closing door

“time cometh when I shall
no more speak

adrift in a troubled river
“I go away
“I was not there

lowered, once, into dark water,
how long before I knew
what I was there to be
cleansed of
how long before I knew
it was not water

“I was not there

the last light closed
into the closing door.
unmoored in textured darkness
the heft, the stain, the drift
of wine, of blood
“yet many things to say
to you, but ye
cannot bear them now

submerged in that lush
simmering dark how long
before I knew how I
was cleansed:

“if I go not away
the comforter
will not come unto you
lowered, once, into darkness
the last light closed
into the closing door

“I have yet many things to say to you

“time cometh when I shall no more
speak to you in proverbs

“and I am glad for your sake that I was
not there

Parícutin

Maybe there were signs beforehand: earthquakes,
restless animals, the slender stream unseasonably warm
in its shifting bed, the ground puckering or gaped
at random in Dionisio’s resting fields, as a garment
from an apprentice seamstress–

Dionisio and Paula Pulido, farmers, citizens
of the Mexican state of Michoacán, Catholic, members
of the indigenous P’urhépecha tribe, whose ancestors
were there when the Spanish arrived, tilling
the same fields he rose to tend that morning;

Dionisio and Paula, in early February, in 1943,
burning brush off their cornfields, preparing
for spring plowing, when the earth yawned open,
shrugged ancient sleep from its hunched
and crumbling shoulders and rose against them:

“I heard a thunder,” Dionisio said, “the trees trembled. . .
there was a smell of sulfur.”

The people of Parícutin: did they pray for a miracle?
Did they dig up their potatoes in time?
Harvesting the winter vegetables before they were ripe,
hurrying, one eye on the blooming volcano,
on the tongues of viscous lava creeping toward their homesteads,
kerchiefs tied across their faces against the white-hot ash.
Maybe they sewed money into their clothing,
went to the fields each morning with pockets
stuffed full of their belongings, ready to run.

Was he jealous,
Dionisio, the cuckold farmer,
his pregnant field swelling with some other seed
than corn

as the volcano loomed meters higher every morning,
as lava spread ten miles outward from his rebellious field,
as the government evacuated Parícutin, relocating
to California as seasonal farm labor the people who spoke
neither English nor Spanish, but their own language
like a field tilled and fertile for a thousand years.

Years later, when the movie came to theaters, “Captain from Castille,”
“The largest location expedition ever to leave Hollywood
went deep into Mexico to the actual local
of this romantic story of conquest!”
did they take their children, their friends, their American
sweethearts,
to show them the mottled wasteland, the drowned village,
the volcano in living technicolor! pointing to the church spire
still visible above the swamp of seeping lava;

did Dionisio go back again the next day
and the next, paying fifty cents to squint his sun-bleared eyes
at a grainy screen, searching for some trace of the fields
his oxen could plow without guidance; trying to guess which mound
of lava crested his buried home, or where in all that barren writhing
his plow lay waiting on its side?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Midwinter

The sounds of passing trains settle like silver dust on our houses
on still, subtropical nights like this, before a storm. The doors are open;
somewhere down the street a child is crying.

A freight yard borders the neighborhood,
and on clear nights we can hear the clanging bells.
The sounds of passing trains drift like airborne seeds above our houses,
sowing weedy, shapeless memories of places we've never been.

The neighbors play the mariachi station in the street at twilight;
trumpets spill from dashboard radios in a jangle of bright shapes.
Somewhere down the street a child is crying.

The ice cream man still takes his cart three times around the block
on temperate evenings. It’s painted aqua and pink, but plays no
music. On nights like this,
the sounds of passing trains accumulate in drifts against our houses,
and somewhere in the dusk a child is always crying.

Monday, May 3, 2010

this evening



Revising my short stories well into the wee sma's (as Anne would have it), basking in lamplight, and feeling awfully fond of my husband, who knew that tonight needed a cupcake with a purple flower.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

richard scary's best sport ever!!!

Last night, Dan and I went to a Rangers game (playing the Detroit Tigers), thanks to the generosity of the Bruce lads who gave us some of their tickets for the season. We had a lovely time, complete with Sonic beforehand and peanuts, super tasty beer, and a lemon icy (yom!) in the 6th inning (which we believe to be the perfect inning for Snacks).
My shining moment of the evening: asking if Johnny Damon had been traded because I remembered he'd been with the Yankees last season. Dan was super impressed.
Pouting because at that point the score was 6-1 against the Rangers. They rallied, but thanks to a couple of random home runs in the 9th inning they didn't win. As you can see, Dan is rather emotional about baseball these days.
Trying to look like a Bright and Eager Scholar despite the fact that reading Faulkner is not my favorite ballpark activity.

Look at us! We're doing something fun! Gasp! (fun has been in short supply around here lately)

Thanks, Papadah and Justin!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

a little piece of furmaidness to brighten your day

I'm working on the revision of my first story tonight, so I'm reading the peer reviews from my classmates over again. This class has produced some of the best peer reviews I've ever received, but there have been a few comments here and there that had me laughing, groaning, or just plain bewildered:

"I would advise you to cut to the chase quicker, that way to keep the reader interested. Now, if this was on purpose, meaning that the author dragged it out, like life is, than I can understand, but it still seemed to drag on somewhat."

like life is. haha. ahahaha.

"In the end, Linnea's conflict to death was very well done."

from the story: "She kept plastic tubs from the bulk-food aisle of the natural food store. . ."
--peer underlined 'natural food store,' and wrote below it "gross person."

uh.

at the very end of the story this peer wrote: "not sure if the author understands the concept of death."

well, actually, I think I grasp the general concept, yes. (and by the way, that was all the same person. he wears the same shirt to class every week and talks to himself constantly. eep.)

from the story (referring to landscape workers):
"there were the kneeling men in the faded blue uniforms. . ."
peer wrote: "could be a racial slur."

. . . wha?

Oh, and then there was the girl who wrote her entire review based on the understanding that the main character had leukemia. She didn't. Her sister did. Fail.

same person: "I commend you on writing this so well, because I know it's a hard thing to do when creating a story."

ahahaha.

Friday, April 23, 2010

last three weeks of school!!!

April 21-May 12. My to-do list:

Major Authors: Faulkner:
  • read 7 short stories
  • final exam
Voice:
  • attend a concert and write concert report
  • read 100-ish pages and write last written assignment
  • 2 rehearsals & lots of practice
  • write program notes
  • recital
Creating Short Fiction:
  • read short story collection and write reading journal
  • turn in second short story
  • 5 more peer reviews
  • revise both stories and resubmit them
Geology/Geography:
  • Final Exam
Creating Poetry:
  • 2 meetings with Gary
  • 8 more peer reviews
  • turn in chapbook (30 page manuscript) of poetry

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Small Big Things

I've been thinking today about the Small Big things in my life. Not the Big Big things-- hearbreaks, proposals, plot twists-- but the little details or objects or moments that ever-so-quietly created a shift in my life, like a rock thrown into a small stream. I thought I'd share some.

1. A thick, green, hardback book I pulled at random off my parent's bookshelves when I was 11. Anne of Green Gables. Reading that book was one of the great epiphanies of my life-- all of a sudden I knew who I was, and I knew that I had never really known who I was until then.


2. This shirt, bought when I was 15. It was the first piece of clothing I ever bought that I would still wear now, and for years it was my benchmark-- I compared all clothes to it, and only bought them if they had the same 'feel.'

3. Discovering this blog last winter. It's inspired me to think about what kind of life I want and then make it be that way, and it's been a constant reminder to have Happy Fancy Fun, not just Boring Fun.

4. Going to my first poetry reading at school and feeling so at home.

5. A slim little book called "The Hundred Dresses," by Eleanor Estes. I read it at age 7 all in one sitting at a grown-up party my parents went to, and it rocked my world. It was the first book I ever read that made me think and care and ponder. It changed the way I read. (and, ps, every little girl needs to own this book. it's pretty exceptional; the lesson is wise and timely, and presented so gently and artfully that it feels silly to call it a 'lesson.')

6. Stumbling across my parents' old Michael Feinstein-singing-Gershwin CDs. Oh man. Such a happy day. That was when I fell in love with that kind of music.

7. The day Dr. Rodriguez chewed me out for trying to stay too in control of my voice while I sang. Yeah, it helped my voice, but it also set off a whole chain of realizations about myself that caused me to change in pretty profound ways. I've been happier ever since.


8. The day when I was 16 that I wore red lipstick to the Grace Chapel meeting. I must admit to a certain amount of pride over this-- keep in mind, this was 2005, some of us were still wearing denim skirts, and this look wasn't The Thing at all like it is now. Red lipstick didn't show up on runways for another two or three years at least. A couple of people that day said it was too bright and red, and for the first time I was able to not care and just wear the thing that felt right and made me happy. It was so liberating, and from then on I was willing to look different from other people and develop my own sense of style.

So those are some of mine. Tell me yours?

Monday, April 19, 2010

it was really nice sleep, though.

A few things about today:

My short story is due tomorrow

I slept in oh-so-very by accident. Till 11:30

So I skipped a class.

I'm about to run out of Earl Grey tea bags.

There are about fifteen other school-related things I should be doing right now.

I keep suddenly realizing that my heart is pounding and I'm not breathing. Stress much?



. . . all in all, not my favorite day ever. Days like this ask for cupcakes, but I don't have any of those. So instead I console myself by watching this every now and then. The effect is pleasingly similar.


Friday, April 16, 2010

more gems from faulkner oral reports

verbs were problematic for several classmates this past week:

". . . he hadn't dranken in years."

". . . we learn about his strive for success and prosperity. . ."

and then, there's my personal favorite, one of those that makes you wonder if the person was raised in a cave:

"it's, like, a pree-face to the story"

yes, ladies and gentleman. she was referring to the section of prose that precedes the first chapter of a book. and she did indeed pronounce it 'pree-face.'

yeah.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

spud's on the job!

here is me, holding the latest edition of Sojourn, UTD's arts journal. yes. that is in fact a plastic cow jumping off the roof of a model building. i love my school.


here is me, looking at the list of contributor's names on the back cover. why look, is that a familiar name?


why yes, it was! that page is my poem. and that face is my "why, yes, i've been published" face. it's very artsy. i hope you like it.


(recall last year when I won second place in the utd undergrad writing contest? that's why i'm in sojourn. so not just a huge deal, really, but still something. my first time to hold a publication with my work in it, anyway.)

Sunday, April 11, 2010

held

Honestly. How can anybody expect me to write a short story when the air is lush and gray, the trees are like a dense green firmament above my head, and the neighbors are grilling with charcoal? My own world is too heartrendingly atmospheric; there's no containing another.

In January, the dome of the cold earth around you descends, and something inside is cramped and stoops as if in a room with low ceiling. On a cloudy April day, the dome is again low, and dense, and still, but this confinement is soothing; the smallness of each horizon is a comfort when they all are packed so densely with life.

Friday, April 9, 2010

kerplunk

So much for the predictability of the cycle. No high or beatific sense of artistic fulfillment in sight this evening, ladies and gentlemen. This batch looks to have two gooduns, two duds, and one waffling. Dee-pressing.

Maybe next time.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Moo.

Sometimes, being a creative writing major makes me feel like a cow. A word cow instead of a milk cow. Moo.

Batch Two of poetry is due Friday afternoon, so I'm burning the midnight oil and drinking the midnight coffee, working. I'm experimenting with some different styles and topics right now, which is super exciting, but does make things complicated-- I keep not knowing how to edit, or whether things are working, because I'm writing outside of my comfort zone. But that's a good thing-- I definitely think it's improving my work, or will in the long run.

It cracks me up how predictable the creative-writing-assignment-emotional-cycle is. In the last hour or two I've hit the depression phase, where you feel like everything crumbles when you touch it. This pretty reliably happens a day and a half before the assignment is due, if you're operating on a normal procrastinatory timetable. Tomorrow night will be more like a high, which will continue through Friday when I turn the poems in as a somewhat beatific state of artistic fulfillment. This will then subside as I realize that I must immediately set to work on the next assignment (another short story).

Haha. I sound like some kind of wonky weatherman.

Completely unrelated aside: On Monday I started drinking a green smoothie for breakfast or lunch every day, and today, only two days later, I was craving that instead of sweets. I love how quickly our bodies respond when we do what's right for them.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Today, during oral presentations in my Faulkner class:

"Ok, so, we all know about Faulkner by now, how he likes to take his characters and give them personality."



um.